Krusty Sentence Enhancements!
by Dreamer1920
Summary: The French narrator discovers that certain residents of Bikini Bottom aren't as innocent as he once thought. (WARNING: Foul language and some lame, dirty jokes. If you're too young for that or you're just sensitive to it, do not read)


**Hello! So, I had this idea pop into my head after having my childhood destroyed by hearing Tom Kenny swear in SpongeBob's voice… if you haven't seen it, please, look it up online. XD Anyway, here's a little one-shot comedy thingy here for ya… this story is probably gonna seem weird coming from me, but I hope it makes you laugh. Happy reading!**

**Edit: After reading the nice reviews from Heather, I've gone back and added that little joke she mentioned. Thanks for that, Heather. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own SpongeBob SquarePants or any of its characters.**

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**Krusty Sentence Enhancements!**

One day, in beautiful Bikini Bottom, our beloved French Narrator was keeping watch over the citizens of the town; watching the folks stroll happily along the sidewalks, pleased to see every person act with dignity and respect towards each other.

Frenchy took in a deep breath of satisfaction and sighed. "Ah, what lovely folks we have, living at the bottom of the sea. Everyone is so kind, so caring… and so chic as well! Seeing all these wonderful and elegant people always bring a smile to my face. Ah, what do we have here? It is my favorite creature of all, SpongeBob SquarePants! He seems to be enjoying work at the Krusty Krab. I'd better take a closer look to see what he and his friends are doing today."

Inside of the oh-so-sophisticated home of the Krabby Patty, SpongeBob was keeping busy inside of the kitchen, as usual. Squidward was doing what he did best, which was lazily taking peoples' orders. Mr. Krabs was inside of his office, counting his fifty stacks of money for the _fiftieth _time that morning – everything seemed to be business as usual.

Just then, walking into the restaurant full of happy customers, was Harold the Fish. He causally walked through the entrance, taking in the scent of… whatever the heck that horrible odor was. He pinched his nose as he approached the register. "Hey, man, what the hell is that awful smell?" he asked, his eyes watering.

Squidward looked up from his magazine. _Oh, brother, another shithead._ The cephalopod rolled his eyes, flipping the pages of his latest issue of _Lame-ass Monthly. _"It's the garbage, sir. The idiot behind me hasn't bothered to change it in three days."

SpongeBob popped his nose out from the kitchen window. "Hey, Squidward, I thought you said **you** were gonna take care of it?" he asked kindly.

Squidward's teeth clenched together in annoyance as he looked up at the sponge above his head. "I only said that so that Mr. Cheap-ass Krabs would stop bugging me about it."

"What was that, Dickward?" asked Mr. Krabs, poking his head out from his office and peering at his lazy employee.

Squidward gulped in fear. _Damn it, Squiddy! You can't keep getting caught calling him names, even if he deserves it. Hey… wait a minute, I wouldn't have even said anything in the first place if that moron hadn't run his annoying bucktooth mouth!_

"N-nothing, Mr. Krabs," said Squidward, faking a smile.

Mr. Krabs may have yelled a lot, but he sure as heck wasn't deaf yet. "Hmm…" he furrowed his brows and stuck a cotton swab in his ear to clean out the junk. "I could've sworn ye called me a- "

"Cheap-ass, Mr. K! I believe that is the word he used," said SpongeBob, smiling obliviously.

Squidward slapped a tentacle against his face, glaring up at his coworker. "Damn it, SpongeBob! I'm gonna wring that fat-ass neck of yours if you don't shut up!"

"Man, you sure like to use the word 'ass' a lot, huh?" asked Harold, still standing at the register.

Squidward was at a loss for words, glancing back and forth between his boss and the customer. "Yeah, what about it?" he finally asked.

Harold shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I just thought it was a little weird that that seems to be your favorite word."

"Aye, valued customer, I think I may have the answer to that," said Mr. Krabs, scuttling out of his office. "ye see, if you're always spewin' nothin' but seahorse shit all the time, your mind is likely to become fixed on a couple of rear ends. Soon enough, you **become** a rear end yourself! Just look at his face, arg arg arg arg arg arg!" he chuckled, pointing a claw at Squidward.

SpongeBob was full of curiosity about his boss' theory. He rubbed the underside of his chin. "Hmmm… say, Mr. Krabs, are you sure Squidward is an **ass** face? I mean, I thought his nose made him look more like a- "

"ZIP IT, kelp-for-brain!" demanded Squidward, pinching SpongeBob's mouth shut with his tentacle.

"Well, what do ye know? He used a word other than his favorite! Arg arg arg!"

As our poor Frenchy watched from above, he couldn't believe the vulgarity spewing from the mouths of his favorite creatures. "What on Earth am I looking at? I do not remember these innocent little creatures using such foul language… perhaps they found more graffiti on the dumpster."

Squidward sighed in defeat, releasing SpongeBob's lips. He pulled out a pencil from under his hat and flipped through the pages of his notepad. "What would you like to eat, sir?"

Harold squinted up at the tiny writing on the menu. "Well, I'd be able to see the items better if the letters were printed bigger."

Squidward stared blankly. "And… that's my problem because…?"

SpongeBob gasped from the kitchen, sticking his head back out. "Squidward! It is our very important duty to ensure that the customer gets taken care- "

Squidward pinched SpongeBob's mouth closed once again. "OH, CLAM UP! 'Our duty', HEH! You want duty? I'll give you duty. Go clean the shit splatters all over the bathroom!"

Mr. Krabs leaned forward, glaring at him. "May I remind you, Mr. Squidward, that **you** were the last one to go in there this morning?"

_Crap, he's right…_ Squidward gulped and sweated. "So…"

Mr. Krabs smirked for a few moments. "So, in other words, _**GO CLEAN YOUR OWN SHIT!**_" he grabbed the octopus by the neck, flinging him and sending him screaming into the bathroom.

Mr. Krabs turned towards Harold, putting a claw around him. "Now, what can I get for ye, sir?"

At this point, Harold was utterly disturbed by the occurrences around him. "Uhh… you know what? I think I'm good. I lost my appetite." He pushed the claw off him and headed for the door.

Mr. Krabs scuttled after him. "Wait! What about your money?"

Harold turned around as he was about to exit. "If I get my appetite back, I think I'll go spend my money at the Chum Bucket." He walked out, leaving the doors swinging behind him.

Mr. Krabs was horrified. "The Chum Bucket?! More like the _Cum _Bucket. For fuck's sake, what is this world comin' to?!"

"Good morning, Krusty Crew!" said a cheerful Patrick as he came through the doors.

_Oh, great, the pink glutton. _Thought Mr. Krabs. He turned around, scuttling back towards his office.

SpongeBob heard the voice of his best friend and happily exited the kitchen. "Patrick!"

Patrick looked up, noticing his yellow friend. "Hi, SpongeBob! Hey…" he sniffed at the water. "You cooking something different in here? It smells… not as Krusty or as mouthwatering as usual." He said.

SpongeBob chuckled. "That aroma you're smelling is the trash, Patrick. Asshole Squidward couldn't be bothered to take it out, so now I've gotta do it."

"I'M GONNA TAKE _YOU _OUT AFTER THIS IS OVER, SPONGEDICK!" yelled Squidward as he cleaned up the horrors from the men's room.

"Dahaha! Good one, Squidward! Everyone knows that sponges don't have dicks," SpongeBob waved him off.

Patrick was puzzled. "Hey, SpongeBob, if you don't have a dick, how do you pee?"

"Well, Pat, I- " SpongeBob became stumped as he thought about it. "You know, Patrick, I have no idea… it just kinda comes out."

Just then, Sandy came marching through the door. "Howdy, everybody! What's cookin' today?"

"This crap," replied SpongeBob, holding up a black bag effusing green smoke. The sponge had placed a clip over his nose.

Sandy wafted her hand in front of her face. "Woo-wee! It's a good thing I have my helmet on, or else that thing would be smellin' ten times worse."

A few minutes later after a short trip to the dumpster, SpongeBob came back inside, walking over to Sandy and Patrick as they took seats at a table. "So, how are you two bitches doing?" he asked, smiling.

The starfish and squirrel looked at each other, shrugging. "Eh, I spilled some chemicals on my nuts while I was workin' on an experiment earlier," said Sandy.

"And I stubbed my toe on a rock earlier. Man, it hurt so freaking bad!" said Patrick, shaking his head.

SpongeBob raised a brow at him. "Um, Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't have any toes…"

"Aw, damn it! I always forget." Patrick shook his head again, resting his head on his palm.

"Well, from the way it sounds, you sure must've stubbed _somethin'_," said Sandy.

"Yeah, like his brain," said Squidward, walking past their table, all covered in filth.

Patrick furrowed his brows at him. "Oh, yeah? Well, at least I don't have a big, ugly dick for a nose!"

Squidward's blood began to boil, steam emitting from his head. With a swift turn, he made his way over the bold starfish and slammed his tentacles on the table. "Well, at least I **have** a dick. Meanwhile, you don't have any balls!"

Patrick gasped, standing up. "You take that back!"

Smiling smugly, Squidward crossed his arms over his chest. "Sure! Right after I give you some of **this**." He scooped a ball of dung from the side of his head and threw it at the starfish's face.

Soon enough, the two broke out into a fight, while SpongeBob and Sandy watched in shock. "Guys, PLEASE! Stop this right now! There is to be no shit-flinging in the restaurant!" cried SpongeBob.

Sandy stood in front of him protectively. "Not to worry, little buddy. Your ol' pal Sandy will handle this." She cleared her throat and sucked in a breath. "HEY! **ASSHOLES!**" she bellowed, causing the two to freeze in the middle of the floor.

"If SpongeBob says there ain't no shit-flinging, THERE AIN'T GONNA BE NO SHIT-FLINGING! Understand?"

The starfish and octopus glanced at each other and sighed. "Okay," they said in unison. Just then, Mr. Krabs came out of his office to witness all of his customers fleeing from the scene of a bathroom-splattered restaurant.

"GREAT NEPTUNE'S GHOST! What the hell happened in here?!" he demanded, jumping in surprise.

"A shit fight," Patrick stated plainly.

Mr. Krabs rolled his eyes. "What a clusterfuck. You've driven away all me customers! I want all of ya to clean up this mess! Pronto!"

"Yes, Mr. Krabs," they all said.

Frenchy gasped as he watched from above. "Oh, dear… this cannot be good."

"HEHEHEHEHE! IT'S MINE! IT'S FINALLY MINE!" declared Plankton as he came running out of Mr. Krabs' office, carrying the Secret Formula.

Upon hearing that familiar voice, Mr. Krabs searched the restaurant with his eyes until they landed on the little pest. "Oh, no ye don't, ya little green turd!" he chased after him.

Plankton happily ran from his nemesis, looking back at him. "HAHA! That'll teach you to leave your office unattended, Krabs!"

"Oh, it weren't **my** fault I left me office. I wouldn't have had to come out if those two dipshits hadn't thought it would be funny to fling… well, uh, SHIT!"

_What the hell is this red moron blabbering about? Hey, wait a minute… what is this stuff I'm running in? _Wondered Plankton. Suddenly, the foul stench finally hit him.

_SON OF A BITCH! _ He skidded on his feet, looking back at Mr. Krabs. "SHIT! SHIT! WE'VE BEEN RUNNING IN SHIT!" he screamed. He looked around at the gag-worthy sight before him, then glanced at the secret recipe in his hands. _BARNACLES, it's not worth it! NOT IF I HAVE TO RUN IN SHIT!_

"FINE, you win! CURSE YOU AND YOUR SHIT, KRABS!" he threw the formula back at Krabs and ran out of the restaurant, slipping and sliding.

Mr. Krabs was stunned that he had given up so easily. He stared as the little, evil genius ran as fast as he could out the door. "Arg arg arg arg! Well, considering how nasty your Chum smells, you should be used to the smell of shit by now!"

The rest of the Krusty Crew (as well as Sandy and Patrick) watched as Plankton dashed for the Chum Bucket, listening to his distant screams.

Plankton ran inside, flailing his arms all over the place. "KAREN! KAREN! IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED, MY WORST NIGHTMARE HAS COME TRUE! I'M COVERED IT SHIT!"

His computer wife rolled her pixelated eyes. "Oh, brother. Do you honestly think I'm supposed to feel sorry for you? You had it coming!"

Plankton helplessly fell on his knees in front of her. "W-what do you mean?!"

"Oh, come on! So, you're covered in shit, what's the big deal? I knew you were **full** of shit since the day you bought me!"

_Back at the Krusty Krab_

About twenty minutes later, the filthy mess had been all cleaned up, and the restaurant was restored to its usual sparkling cleanliness. Frenchy sighed with relief at the sight. "Phew, that is a good sign. Perhaps it means they will stop cursing."

"Boy, Plankton was quite the little fucker today, eh, Mr. Krabs?" SpongeBob asked in his usual sweet tone.

"Spoke too soon," said Frenchy.

"He sure was, boy-o. That little dickwad is always lookin' for a quick and convenient way to get me formula, even if it means he has to wallow in shit!" said Mr. Krabs.

"Yeah, well, none of this would've happened if Squidward hadn't have been such an ass," said Patrick.

Squidward glared at him. "Oh, can it, star-fuck! _Nothing_ bad would ever happen if you weren't such an imbecile!"

"Hey, that's what you told me yesterday, Squidward! Or should I say, _**Ass-ward! **_Dahaha!" laughed SpongeBob.

Squidward mumbled under his breath as he walked back to his station. "Oh, dear Neptune. I would love **nothing** more than to beat the living, breathing shit out of that little ass-wipe."

"There he goes again with the 'ass' words," said Mr. Krabs, shaking his head.

"Well, I'm just glad this place is all cleaned up. You really have your work cut out for ya, SpongeBob! This place is a bitch to keep in order," said Sandy.

SpongeBob nodded in agreement. "That's right, Sandy. I've been dealing with this bullshit for twenty years now, and it never lets up!"

Patrick stood to the side, picking his nose. "Well, it's about time for my afternoon nap. See you later, Sponge-WAH!" he grunted as he tripped over a nail and fell. He cried, holding onto his injured foot. "DAMN MOTHERFUCKER! WHY DO I KEEP FUCKIN' TRIPPING AND STUBBING MY FEET ALL THE DAMN TIME?!" he yelled angrily.

Sandy dropped her mop, backing away. "Hey, don't look at me! Point the finger at this cheap-ass for not replacin' the nails!"

Mr. Krabs shrugged. "Why should I have to replace 'em, when that dickface over there can hammer 'em back in place for free?!" he said, pointing towards the register.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, EUGENE! I'M NOT HAMMERING ANYTHING OF YOURS!" shouted Squidward.

All this foul language was giving poor Frenchy a headache. "My goodness, when is this going to end?"

Just then, SpongeBob (for no particular reason) came to his senses. "Hey, you guys?" he asked, having everyone turn and look at him. "Do you think it's possible… that we've all been cussing a little too much lately?"

Patrick, now back on his feet, shrugged. "I don't know, I just thought I was doing a good job with my 'sentence enhancing'."

Mr. Krabs rubbed the back of his shell, shame plastered on his face. "Yeah, I suppose you're right, boy. I have been cussin' up a storm lately… boy, if only me mother knew… oh, wait, what am I saying? She cusses just as much as I do."

Sandy sighed, turning to look at SpongeBob. "You're right, SpongeBob. I've been in such a shitty-I-I mean, lousy mood lately because my experiments keep goin' wrong, and I guess I've slipped up in my language more than I should have."

"I just cuss as a side effect of hating all of you," said Squidward, sitting at the register.

After hearing everybody's side, SpongeBob turned the wooden mop bucket upside down and stood on top of it, placing his right hand over his heart. "Well, I for one think we should take this as a lesson and all clean up our potty mouths. We seemed to have forgotten the important rule of never uttering the 13 bad words."

"I think we've said more than 13, boy-o. If that's even possible," added Mr. Krabs, biting the tip of his claw.

SpongeBob smiled sheepishly. "Haha, I think you're right, Mr. Krabs. Well, from this day forward, may we do everything in our power to stop committing these condemnable verbal sins, and may Neptune help to keep us from speaking them ever again. Who's with me?!" he looked around at them.

"YEAH!" everyone, including Squidward, cheered.

"Oh, also, let's lay off the dirty jokes too, huh? I'm getting kinda tired of hearing about Squidward's dick nose," said SpongeBob.

The group paused, glancing at each other. "YEAH!" they cheered again.

SpongeBob jumped down from the bucket in victory. "HOORAY!"

Just then, Gary came slithering through the Krusty Krab doors, catching everyone's attention. Frenchy saw this too and was astonished. "Oh, this is wonderful! I wonder what Gary will have to add to this."

"Meow! (Papa-Bob, my litterbox is full of shit! Get your ass back home and clean it!)"

Frenchy's face dropped in utter disappointment. Sighing, he shook his head. "Oh, where is the dolphin censorship when you need it?"

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**A/N: WELP, that was it, haha… okay, this sucked, I know. XD This is the weirdest and grossest thing I've ever written, but I just freaking die of laughter when I think of the characters cursing… oh well, if I ruined your childhood, I'm sorry. Thanks for reading. Oh, and the 'Dickward' and 'Cum Bucket' jokes do not belong to me; as far as I know, the 'Cum Bucket' one comes from a YouTube Poop by a person named Jallerbo, and the other one I am not sure, lol. Just wanted to put that out there.**


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